6/21 - 6/24 Sat., Sun., Mon., Tues. - Exhaustion is my Energy!

6/21 - 6/24 Sat., Sun., Mon., Tues. - Exhaustion is my Energy!

Sat. - Finally spent a night at home! (Well, I did spend one night at home before, but it was short lived because of the anticipation of the week ahead at Builders) I don't remember much about Saturday, except that I tried to rest!

Sun. - I taught Jr. High; which went really well! They announced in the morning service that I would be the intern for the summer and prayed over me! That was wonderful! That evening was youth group. Because of Father's Day and Builders, last week's youth group was cancelled, so this was the first youth group I went to in several months! I was teaching. Completely honest moment, this was the worse lesson I've ever taught. I had no idea what I was saying and was scrambling for words the entire time. I had several minute long pauses and barely got through it. After I prayed, I left, without saying anything, just left. I cried for a bit and went down to the choir room, which is in the basement. I knew no one would find me there. I know I did poorly, and others knew as well. I also knew that they, in the kindness of their heart, would say "nice" things. "Try harder next time", "It was not that bad", "...", whatever else. I didn't want to hear it. Nothing in me wanted to hear the words that they would say; both positive and negative. However, I tried to leave, but they "caught" me. And they did, as I thought they would, say both good and bad things. The lesson going badly was my fault. The past several lessons I have given were all really good. I presumed on the grace of God to "get me through" this one as well. Well, I also didn't study and prepare in the way I should. It was my fault. Totally and entirely my fault. I'm not quitting my job; even though it crossed my mind. I am going to try and take this as a learning opportunity; I'm not as good at improvising as I thought. Also, do not underestimate the time and energy it takes to prepare a lesson! 

Mon. - Today starts VBS! However, because our director did not know of my coming home, I was not scheduled for anything. So, I'm not working VBS. For the first couple hours I wandered around waiting for my keys to my "office", in that time our secretary found me and had a wonderful list of jobs to do. The first was shredding paper. Lots of paper. Next, solely because of my title of "intern", I had to unclog a toilet. Wonderful. I was happy to do it, but it was not part of my job description. Maybe it is, I have no idea of what I'm doing here. Anyways, it was very humbling! The rest of the day was busy, but fine! (Also, two different individuals came up to me and said that they were impacted about the lesson I had yesterday. Only by the grace of God and the Spirit's guidance could that have ever happened! Praise His name!)

Tues. - This day, as compared to yesterday, was much better! Well, not better in that I didn't like yesterday, but that I was able to do my "job". A major component of my job is with the youth group, but another is just studying and being in the "office". I'll have to find a healthy balance between the two and the other responsibilities I have. But, to be honest, I was afraid that people would find odd tasks for me to do; such as, unclogging toilets, and shredding paper. So, I hid in my office all day. I had a great time studying! One of the areas of study was Ps. 111. What a beautiful Psalm! "He sent redemption to his people; he has commanded his covenant forever. Holy and awesome is his name!" (v. 9) From my study here (which is not complete) I hope to do a series on some of the Psalms over the summer. 

After being in school for the last two semesters, my knowledge of the Lord has greatly increased! I understand Reformed Theology more and am able to be a better student, but one of the struggles I have is that I have a head knowledge, but it has not translated into heart affection for the Lord. I love the study of the Lord, but find a lack in the genuine affection for the Lord himself. The very first verse of this Psalm says, "Praise the Lord! I will give thanks to the Lord with my whole heart, in the company of the upright, in the congregation." Praise the Lord! Why does my heart have such a hard time doing this? To praise the Lord, whose works in creation is what keeps us all and sustains us all, is, for me, an incredibly difficult task. I would rather complain and am drawn towards having a bad attitude; especially after exhaustion has become my only source of energy. (That, and coffee) So, I pray, with all earnestness and sincerity, that I may learn to praise the Lord in all circumstances! 

Thank you!