Wednesday 6/4/14 - Black Snakes of Death
This day is filled with the grace of God! Wednesday is game day, youth group day! The day that the message is to be given, when I lay all my cards on the table and interact with all the youth group kids. It's hard work. To love, to truly love people is an exhausting task. And it does not help that I'm in charge, making the decisions. But anyways, the morning started early. 5:20am early. I got up early to get to Starbucks early to be able to sit in my favorite seat. It's in the corner, there is an outlet right next to me, it has a decent size table to be able to actually lay my books out and have my laptop out also. Everyone else who does study there thinks so too. Therefore, I go to Starbucks at 6am to get that seat. I once fought a man to the death for that seat! No, not really. (Too far?) I got there to get working on writing my message. During the week I had put off the studying as well. Normally, I study the whole week and then the days leading up to the presentation of the message are not too hard because I am pulling from information already in my mind, but yesterday was different. It made it so much more complicated and difficult to study and write. I became overwhelmed and was not able to focus. My thoughts were not flowing and I had to leave. I went to a friend's apartment to get work done. Similar situation, thoughts were not coming and I just sat there trying to put something together. Nothing.
Well, I finally decided that I could not write out, word for word, the message; like I normally do and had some written out, but mostly points as to what to say. I really dislike that. I often become distracted and off track when speaking. Bullet points do not help when I stop mid sentence and have to get back on track. But if I have it out word for word, then I can pick up where I left off seamlessly. I got so frustrated yesterday that I just stopped and asked if I could have a ballet lesson. We did. It was a longer one, but that was good to be active and not think about the message for a little bit. (Just as a side note, my coach for ballet is truly awesome! She is so talented and caring!) She and I, then, walked and talked a little about the message. Finally, youth group!
I knew that this night was going to have to be on the strength of the Lord, as they all should be, but I have very little notes, no game, and I'm still getting my feet wet. The message I had sorta prepared was going to put to the test tonight. I say this because as soon as I walked into the church, I felt awful. Sick; like I was coming down with something. So, I'm trying to get things ready beforehand and I am feeling weak all over. I thought about going home, but I decided that I could, by the strength of God, make it through. Then, I saw a snake. Yes, a real snake. A black racer, or so they call it. I call it the black devil of horrendous death. It was huge! Gross, nasty, wanted to kill me, snake. I LOATHE SNAKES! I would be perfectly fine is they all disappeared, forever! So, I do not have a message properly prepared, I am feeling sick, and my body is all tense because of the snake! Not the best night. But, I am pleading with God for strength. Not in that he had not given me strength or that I needed more, but that I would believe that he is truly powerful and knows the pain I'm going through. My disbelief in God often will grow the more confident I think I am in something, but I had no confidence in myself to make it through the night. I will often not believe in the provision that he has given me.
Well, long story short, He did provide! The night went amazingly! The message went really well, the game went well too! He provided in such a way that I can not attribute any of it to myself. I had nothing going my way, but it still happened! Praise God!
Thank you!
No comments:
Post a Comment